Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
