You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This house was built for laser tag.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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