6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sober January is a disaster.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
