I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
