You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
