My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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