how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
