i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
