looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize