i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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