I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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