apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
