if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
