i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
