Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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