Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
