there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
