I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize