You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
