he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
