you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize