i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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