i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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