so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize