So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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