so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize