Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
