So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
