Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
