I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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