Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
