is your mom at the bar?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
