Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
