Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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