I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
