Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
