I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
