Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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