is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
