If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
