i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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