Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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