your parents love me but you hate me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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