he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
