They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
