yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
