Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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