is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize