If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
