I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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