Girls should come with a carfax report
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
