I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
