I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
