The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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