I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
