Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize