So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
