My hand turned me down
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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