Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I wear drunk well.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
