your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Umm I'm too high to move.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
