I just pynch a tree in the face
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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