How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
