I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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