every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
