All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm at about main and main street
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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