I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
