I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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