I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
