i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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