My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
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