Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
