I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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