make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dignity is for republicans.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
