My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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