What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
PANTIES FOUND
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