booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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