Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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